A work in progress

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John Sargent
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A work in progress

Post by John Sargent » February 15th, 2018, 11:44 am

My brothers an alcoholic, he brings the family shame
He goes to AA but doesn’t say his last name.
He has to stay sober every single day
I don’t understand how he got this way

He drank like a car, that didn’t have brakes.
When he lost his jobs, it was always a mistake.
His third wife left him, just like the other two
Now he’s an alcoholic, and he says that’s all true

So he goes to meetings, and collects those little chips
He call up his sponsor and reads books and poop. (it doesn't say poop on my end)
He says that since he’s sober he’s feeling brand new
He’s an alcoholic, poor fellow, who knew?

He got himself a Martin but doesn’t play real good
I do like the sound of that Brazilian Rosewood
Me, I play like Stevie Ray, you know I have mad skills
But I had to pawn my dreadnaught to pay the lawyer bill.

I got caught with a DUI, I tell you, I was framed.
Now my brother drives me around and I’m real ashamed
To be seen with a bum like him, it really makes me sad
He’s an alcoholic, poor fellow, and you know that’s bad

He’s so mean and selfish, he won’t give me any cash
So I’m living in my car that doesn’t have gas.
It’s that old rusty Plymouth, my clothes are in the trunk
My brothers an alcoholic, thank God Im just a drunk.

chefie
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Joined: January 18th, 2005, 12:45 am
Location: Tucson, Az

Re: A work in progress

Post by chefie » February 15th, 2018, 4:48 pm

HI John,

Nice to see you on the forum again. I really like this. Great descriptive verses and a nice story twist in the end. An idea for a slight tweak . . . .
when he lost his jobs, it was always a mistake
might be good to specify if it was "his" mistake or "their."

Any chance for music in the future?

Neil

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John Sargent
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Re: A work in progress

Post by John Sargent » February 16th, 2018, 5:48 am

I need to edit the lyric and decide where and what to use for a chorus. Thanks for the read and suggestion

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John Sargent
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Joined: March 27th, 2010, 6:36 pm
Location: Aurora, IL
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Re: A work in progress

Post by John Sargent » February 16th, 2018, 6:40 am

I wrote most of the first draft a few days after participating in a jam in Luckenbach, TX. It will have to have an outlaw country feel to the music.


This is the morning revision:

My brothers an alcoholic, he brings the family shame
He goes to AA but doesn’t say his last name.
He has to stay sober every single day
I don’t understand how he got this way

He drank like a car, that didn’t have any brakes.
When he lost his jobs, it was always their mistake.
His third wife left him, just like the other two
Now he’s an alcoholic, and he says that’s all true

Chorus
So he goes to meetings, and collects those little chips
He call up his sponsor and reads books and sh1t.
He says that since he’s sober he’s feeling brand new
He’s an alcoholic, poor fellow, who knew?

I got caught with a DUI, I tell you, I was framed.
Now my brother drives me around and I’m real ashamed
To be seen with a bum like him, it really makes me sad
He’s an alcoholic, and you know that’s really bad

Chorus
So he goes to meetings, and collects those little chips
He call up his sponsor and reads books and poop.
He says that since he’s sober he’s feeling brand new
He’s an alcoholic, poor fellow, who knew?

Talking
He’s so mean and selfish, he won’t give me any cash
So I’m living in my car that’s completely out of gas.
It’s that old rusty Plymouth, my clothes are in the trunk
My brothers an alcoholic, thank God I’m just a drunk.

Chorus
So he goes to meetings, and collects those little chips
He call up his sponsor and reads books and poop.
He says that since he’s sober he’s feeling brand new
He’s an alcoholic, poor fellow, who knew?

chefie
Senior Member
Posts: 548
Joined: January 18th, 2005, 12:45 am
Location: Tucson, Az

Re: A work in progress

Post by chefie » February 17th, 2018, 7:14 am

Hi John,

Good rewrite. Your elimination of the "Martin" verse was a good self edit. In retrospect it didn't fit. Nice work.

Neil

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