SSG Y10W20 Hobson - Kayaks and Cruise Ships

[Hobson]

Still a work in progress and I stumbled over the words a bit, but here it is:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=11513282

KAYAKS AND CRUISE SHIPS

verse:

We enter the bay and our ship is alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's low drone
I hear the sound of the waterfall's flow.
Then I see you out there, drifting by.
Twenty-five bright specks.
Some of you notice us waving "hi"
From the cruise ship's upper decks.

chorus:

On kayaks and cruise ships
We've come for the view,
Each in our own way.
On kayaks and cruise ships
To see something new.
And then we glide away.

verse:

In a boat that is your body's extension.
I remember the water's feel.
From a vessel of sixty thousand gross tons,
The scene doesn't seem as real.
As you paddle onward, I look back
To trips taken decades ago.
All that I needed in a backpack.
Now it's in a floating condo

chorus

verse:

My journey is almost finished now
While yours has barely started.
Will you find yourself in my place somehow
When I am long departed?
I don't know what these thoughts connote.
Maybe my mind unravels.
I manage still to stay afloat
And continue with my travels.

chorus

[jamestoffee]

Her Renee,

Nice job on the lyrics and mp3 I really like the instrumental guitar arpeggios before each verse. It sounds like a Coldplay riff that they would probably develop for half the song.

I like the metaphors as well for Kayaks and Cruise Ships.

Suggestion:
Consider revising this line b/c is it's not accurate
We enter the bay and our ship is alone. .....compared to.....Then I see you out there, drifting by......so the cruise ship is not alone

Maybe something like......We enter the bay; our ship MILES FROM HOME


OR

We enter the bay and our ship FEELS alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's low drone
I hear the sound of the waterfall's flow.
BUT Then I see you out there, drifting by.

Thanks for sharing.

James

[Hobson]

Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, James. I'm definitely not influenced by Coldplay, unless it's subconsciously. I'm not even familiar with their music.

I will be changing that line eventually, after I've given the rest of the lyrics some more thought. It will probably be:

"We enter the bay and I think we're alone." OR "When we enter the bay, I think we're alone."

[Hobson]

I posted a new version here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=11513282

I slowed it down a little, made the ending less abrupt and changed some of the lyrics. Here are the new lyrics.

verse:

As we enter the bay I think we're alone.
Just two thousand people or so.
Over the diesel engine's drone
I hear the roar of the waterfall's flow.
Then I see you near the shoreline, paddling by.
Twenty-five bright specks.
Some of you notice us waving "hi"
From the cruise ship's upper decks.

chorus:

On kayaks and cruise ships
We've come for the view,
Each in our own way.
On kayaks and cruise ships
To see something new.
And then we drift away.

verse:

In a boat that is your body's extension.
You know the water's feel.
From a vessel of sixty thousand gross tons,
The scene doesn't seem as real.
As you paddle onward, I look back
To trips decades ago.
All that I needed in a backpack.
Now it's in a floating condo

chorus

verse:

My journey is almost finished now
While yours has barely started.
Will you be in my place somehow
When I am long departed?
In a site that's so remote
Maybe my mind unravels.
I manage still to stay afloat
And continue with my travels.

chorus

[jamestoffee]

Hi Renee,

The revised version works well.

Thanks for sharing.

James