13/25 Deception

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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John Sargent
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13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 21st, 2015, 4:07 am

Just a rough idea here:
Deception
First verse
A sleight of hand, flick of the wrist
Eyes aren't fast enough to follow this
Misdirection, accomplished with precision
You're a low life, swindling, con-artist magician

Chorus
Deception is an art that's spawned in treachery
What a tangled web we weave
When first we practice, to deceive

Second verse
I only have the last line
You play with truth, like you're a politician

Third verse
A pride of lions, a flock of ducks
Pod of whales, violation of trust
A house of cards is collapsing in confusion
Your face is clear, in the fading illusion



I'll have to go back to sleep and dream the rest

Vic Lewis VL
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by Vic Lewis VL » April 21st, 2015, 5:21 am

What you've got so far looks OK to me, John.

First verse is strong and the chorus follows well...

Second verse, if the theme is politics, maybe the scheming and treachery could be done with words - sharp tongue, cutting like steel, that sort of imagery perhaps?

Third verse, I don't quite get the lions/ducks/whales imagery - I'd have thought that, say, weasels, jackals and hyenas would fit - or continue - the theme of treachery better? Hopefully they don't all share the same collective noun...

Definitely got the makings of a good song here....

:D :D :D

Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)

John Sargent
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 21st, 2015, 5:27 am

Vic Lewis VL wrote:What you've got so far looks OK to me, John.

Third verse, I don't quite get the lions/ducks/whales imagery - I'd have thought that, say, weasels, jackals and hyenas would fit - or continue - the theme of treachery better? Hopefully they don't all share the same collective noun...

Vic

pride, flock and pod are animal groups like "murder of crows" or "school of fish". I am trying to cast "Violation of Trust" in that light, as though it is more than a lie, it's a herd of lies that is exposed.
A lot of metaphors involved in my work, as usual.
I need to gel up the second verse and get a chord structure going. Its back to below 50 degrees and too windy to go fly model airplanes today.

John Sargent
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 21st, 2015, 6:13 am

First verse
A sleight of hand, flick of the wrist
Eyes aren't fast enough to follow this
Misdirection, accomplished with precision
You're a low life, swindling, con-artist magician

Chorus
Deception is an art that's spawned in treachery
What a tangled web we weave
When first we practice, to deceive

Second verse
Night is day, black is white
Good is bad, wrong is right
Principle, is just an apparition
You play with truth, like you're a politician

Chorus

Third verse
A pride of lions, a flock of ducks
Pod of whales, violation of trust
A house of cards is collapsing in confusion
Your face is clear, in the fading illusion

Chorus


Now for a chord structue

John Sargent
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 21st, 2015, 7:53 am

With Chords

Deception
Dm
A sleight of hand, flick of the wrist
Dm
Eyes aren't fast enough to follow this
Gm__________________________Dm
Misdirection, accomplished with precision
Bb______________________________Dm
You're a low life, swindling, con-artist magician

Chorus

Bb____________Dm______Gm_______Dm
Deception is an art that's spawned in treachery
Bb____________Dm
What a tangled web we weave
Bb___________________Dm
When first we practice, to deceive

Dm
Night is day, black is white
Dm
Good is bad, wrong is right
Gm______________Dm
Principle, is just an apparition
Bb__________________________Dm
You play with truth, like you're a politician

Chorus

Dm
A pride of lions, a flock of ducks
Dm
Pod of whales, violation of trust
Gm_________________________Dm
A house of cards is collapsing in confusion
Bb_________________________Dm
Your face is clear, in the fading illusion

Chorus

I have not recorded anything in months. I'll have to find my equipment.

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Hobson
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by Hobson » April 21st, 2015, 9:36 am

The herd idea doesn't work for me. Otherwise, it's a good start.
Renee

John Sargent
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 21st, 2015, 12:53 pm

ASnd a simple reciording done on my lap top in one take

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13106033

jamestoffee
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by jamestoffee » April 22nd, 2015, 5:03 am

Hi John,

Good start :D nice job on the vocals and delivery. The uke doesn't seem to quite fit the somber/sinister mood, but the chords do.

Suggestion:

As it is, the verses seem disjointed, but some slight changes could make a story to this effect...

V1 whistle blower's suspicion
V2 corrupt politician's rise to power at the cost of the destruction of natural resources
V3 animals suffer and the Earth suffers b/c of the deception

Slight adjustments as follows:

V1 fine as is

Chorus

Bb____________Dm______Gm_______Dm
Deception is an art that's spawned in treachery
Bb____________Dm
What a tangled web YOU weave ....keep in 2nd person POV
Bb___________________Dm
When first YOU practice, to deceive....keep in 2nd person POV

Dm
Stick with contrasts, but change to political concrete details.... buying votes by selling government land.... poisoning milk while kissing babies
You play with truth, like ALL THE politicianS

Chorus

Dm
A pride of lions, a flock of ducks
Dm
Pod of whales, violation of trust
Gm_________________________Dm
THE EARTH IS BLEEDING/DYING in confusion
Bb_________________________Dm
Your DEEDS ARE clear, in the ROTTING illusion

....all in time to play for Earth Day

:mrgreen: Wednesday, April 22, 2015 :mrgreen:

Take or toss as you wish.

Thanks for sharing. :D

James

John Sargent
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Re: 13/25 Deception

Post by John Sargent » April 22nd, 2015, 6:09 am

Thanks for your input. Ukuleles are my go to weapon of choice. I'm investigating Midi pickups but frankly, I'll probably stick to acoustic

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