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SSG10-Week41 Songwriters' Block

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Postby jamestoffee » August 13th, 2012, 12:50 am

SSG10-Week41 Songwriters' Block

Band Version
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11827800

============================Revised Version==========================
Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

You've got a guitar full of songs ready to sing
And a soul full hard earned memories
The open mic is yours; it's good to go
Your fans are waiting; start the show

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

You hear a barmaid at the back singing the blues
You see a pretty young waitress; she's your muse
The back up band waits to play your song
The audience ready to sing along

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Strike up a tune and join the jamboree
Songwriters' Block is the place to be

Instrumental

chorus


============================Original Version==========================
Original Version Acoustic
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11825698

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

You've got a guitar full of songs ready to sing
And a soul full of stories and memories
The open mic is yours; it's good to go
Your fans are waiting; start the show

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

You see the devil in the corner singing the blues
And a pretty young waitress to be your muse
The back up band is waiting to play your song
The audience ready to sing along

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
Prophets and poets rock around the clock
Itching with a rhythm or flirting with a rhyme
Come on down and we'll have a good time

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Pull up a chair for a drink and sympathy
Not much published but it's fine company

Instrumental

chorus
Last edited by jamestoffee on August 14th, 2012, 5:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby John Sargent » August 13th, 2012, 5:40 am

Another fine fine entry. You sound soooo different when it's just you and the guitar.

The line "And a pretty young waitress to be your muse" sounded a bit awkward. Maybe if you dropped the "And" it would come out easier.
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Postby jamestoffee » August 13th, 2012, 6:37 am

MrEWorm wrote:You sound soooo different when it's just you and the guitar.


so I guess you're saying that as a good thing :)

MrEWorm wrote:The line "And a pretty young waitress to be your muse" sounded a bit awkward. Maybe if you dropped the "And" it would come out easier

Thanks....I'll play around with the line....I want the stress syllables to be on PRET-ty and WAI-tress

....I'm leaning more towards adding a word
You see/find a pretty young waitress to be your muse

"And THERE"S a pretty young waitress to be your muse"

or

And that pretty young waitress can/might be your muse
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Postby John Sargent » August 13th, 2012, 6:48 am

I think that I am biased against conjunctions. Their use often reminds me of the speaker that adds, "y'know" or "um" to every sentence as they speak.

Of course Lennon/McCartney wrote "And I love her". What do I know anyway?
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Postby dhodge » August 13th, 2012, 10:28 am

Hi James

Very enjoyable and a great bit of wordplay to boot!

You might work the waitress / muse line to your liking by being a bit more direct, like this:

You see the devil in the corner singing the blues
And that pretty young waitress there, she's your muse


The only other tweak I'd mention concerns the word "sympathy." I understand why it's there (not only as a rhyme but also to set up the terrific line that follows) and it may indeed be the right word but it seems very out of place in the context of all the happy-go-lucky feel of the rest of the lyrics. Maybe something like this might work:

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Pull up a chair and sing a song or two or three
Not much published but it's fine company


Or maybe even this:

Come on down to Songwriters' Block
We're learning while we're living ‘cause we're all self-taught
Come and amaze us with your gift of melody
Not much published but it's fine company


"Harmony" might be another possible (and possibly better) rhyme. I'll give it some thought.

As always, a pleasure to listen to and to enjoy. And, again as always, I look forward to more.

Peace
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Postby Hobson » August 13th, 2012, 1:21 pm

Another great song, James. Maybe you could change "sympathy" to "empathy."
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Postby jamestoffee » August 14th, 2012, 5:22 am

Thanks MrEWorm, Renee and David for the feedback and suggestions.

***POOF changes made**** :mrgreen:

I tried to take all the suggestions into account on the rewrite and stuck with the upbeat vibe in the overall message/lyrics.
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Postby John Sargent » August 14th, 2012, 6:31 am

I still like the sound of the acoustic version much better than the "Band in a Can" file. Just personal preference.
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Postby dhodge » August 14th, 2012, 6:42 am

Both arrangements are very cool. Really like the acoustic guitar part, specifically the rhythm during the song (not to take away from the lead work which is also quite good) in the band version. It adds a much more interesting texture.

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Postby Celt » August 14th, 2012, 4:42 pm

James,

Like David said "Both arrangements are very cool."

There seems to be a close similarity to Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line"
in the first 3 line of the verses which seems to be more prevalent
in the Band Version. Could be because of the bass line.

John
Last edited by Celt on August 15th, 2012, 4:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby jamestoffee » August 14th, 2012, 5:34 pm

Celt wrote:There is to be a close similarity to Johnny Cash's "I Walk The Line"

:lol: Guilty :wink:

Thanks for the listen and post, John.
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Postby jamestoffee » August 15th, 2012, 4:16 am

Thanks MrEWorm and David for the feedback :D
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Postby andygetch » August 15th, 2012, 6:39 pm

An open mic with a house band, sounds like a cool place!
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Postby jamestoffee » August 15th, 2012, 7:00 pm

andygetch wrote:An open mic with a house band, sounds like a cool place!

It's the coolest!!! :wink:
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