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Y10W38 - Be Smart

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.

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Postby Hobson » July 24th, 2012, 10:23 am

My contribution is here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=11786824

Be smart, but never show it
Don't let anybody know it
They'll run your pants up the flagpole
For being unconventional.

chorus:

Scientists and doctors and programmers,
Accountants, poets, engineers
Are people we all need
Who must be smart to succeed.
But don't act like a geek.
Be careful when you speak.
Be smart, but never show it.
Don't let anybody know it.

verse:

If you can jump or throw a ball,
They'll worship your trophy in the hall.
But nobody wants to be outshined
When it comes to matters of the mind.

chorus

verse:

Don't carry on about word games or chess.
They'll make fun of the way you talk and dress.
You don't wanna be labeled as a nerd
By letting them know what you've learned.

chorus
Renee
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Postby John Sargent » July 25th, 2012, 4:53 am

When I read the verses, I ould "hear" them shouted out like Jack White(White Stripes etc) does. Hard, biting, rocking. I like your lyric but think the melody should be kicked into high gear.
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Postby Hobson » July 25th, 2012, 8:36 am

You may be right that this could be edgier. But I just don't have the voice for that. I originally recorded this 2 1/2 steps lower, but thought that part of it sounded a little like another song that I wrote and it was pretty low for me to sing. What can I say? I have to work with what I've got unless I can sell the song to someone who can make it rock. :lol:
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Postby Vic Lewis VL » July 27th, 2012, 12:40 pm

What you've got seems to be working pretty well - song sounds perfectly fine for me. The only slight quibbles I have are (a) the lyrics seem a little stiff, as if you're a touch afraid to let go and tell us what you REALLY feel....

"poet" seems a little out of place with doctors, maybe lawyers would fit better...

Perhaps....

Be smart but never show it,
Don't show off like the poets......

Scientists, doctors, programmers,
Accountants, lawyers, engineers,

Actually, stiff is the wrong word - a little too FORMAL, is what I'm thinking, a little too polite.....

Second verse....

"If you can jump or throw a ball".....that seems to cover basketball, and maybe American Football. Maybe if you sang "If you can hit throw or catch a ball" that'd cover your three major sports...basketball, AF and baseball? Just a suggestion.

There's a lot to like about the song, Renee.....I really think all you need is to loosen up a little in (a) your writing - a little less formal, a little more conversational and (b) in front of the mic....think Dylan, just be natural and don't try too hard!

Oh, and big plusses for the melody and the singing!

:D :D :D

Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
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Postby Hobson » July 27th, 2012, 1:05 pm

Thanks, Vic. I've had some singing lessons and sung in choirs and choruses for many years. So my "natural" voice is kind of formal. I've found a way to sing more casually in my lower register, but once I get up high, all of that training kicks in.

As far as the lyrics in the chorus of this song, I did originally include lawyers. I threw in poets instead because I didn't want to leave the impression that creative people can't be smart.

In the second verse, I originally had "If you can jump high or throw a ball..." I was thinking of people who excel in individual sports like track as well as those who are good at team sports. The line turned out to be hard to sing. So taking out the word "high" may have changed the meaning.
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