Y10 W32 Sixteen Years

[andygetch]

Here is my two chord song (each with three different voicings), sort of in the key of A but the only time the A note appears is as the fifth of the D/E chord. Not sure if I am singing it. There I go breaking a rule again. Chords were picked randomly then tried to figure voicing locations. Tried to work with the melody first and this is a very dissonant unhappy sounding combination. This is actually the second song idea that came out of the exercise. The first was a bit too much, instead I twisted it metaphorically and let it go. For music I am thinking of a fast (as fast as I can play the changes anyway ) punk distorted angry guitar grungy sound. As always comments are welcome.

C#m7b9 - x4o1oo; D/E - ooo232; D/E(IX) - o977oo; C#m7b9 (IX) - x9(11)o(11)o; C#m7b9 (XI) - xx(11)(13)oo; D/E (XIV) - ooo(14)(15)(14);

D/E l N.C. l

Verse 1
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Left his hometown when he was sixteen
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years playing the talent show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Gonna be a star just like the king
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years got places to go

Chorus
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years cheers and jeers
D/E l D/E l D/E l D/E l
lights appear where is here

Verse 2
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Playing Louie Louie ten thousand times
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years playing the pub show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Same three chords with the old drunken lines
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years nowhere else to go

Repeat Chorus

Verse 3
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Its the same bar just a different town
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years playing the same show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Forcing a smile never let it go down
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years never let it go

Bridge
C#m7b9(IX) l l C#m7b9(XI) l l D/E l l D/E(XIV) l
sleep past noon no jobs skills, cigarettes alcohol
C#m7b9(IX) l l C#m7b9(XI) l l D/E l l D/E(XIV) l
needle spoon bag of pills lost regret blood stained wall
D/E(XIV) l l D/E(XIV) l l
overdose comatose
C#m7b9(IX)

[Hobson]

Not exactly an uplifting song, but good lyrics. I think it's confusing to talk about him being 16 when he left home and also about him being on the road for 16 years. I got lost in verse 1 because I was thinking, if he's only 16, how has he been playing for 16 years?

I've got to ask, why are you not singing your songs? It's hard to judge a song when we haven't heard the music. Maybe you're only interested in writing lyrics. Maybe you don't sing.

[andygetch]

Not exactly an uplifting song, but good lyrics. I think it's confusing to talk about him being 16 when he left home and also about him being on the road for 16 years. I got lost in verse 1 because I was thinking, if he's only 16, how has he been playing for 16 years?

Thanks, just ended up there. It is loosely based on musicians stories that I have heard or read. Some had left home in teenage years so that became the first line and the thought of big dreams at age sixteen for the first verse and chorus.

maybe this minor change in verses (in bold around sixteen years) will help the flow of the story:

Verse 1
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Left his hometown when he was sixteen
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years old playing the talent show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Gonna be a star just like the king
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
Sixteen years old got places to go

Verse 2
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Singing Louie Louie ten thousand times
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
for sixteen years playing the pub show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Same three chords with the old drunken lines
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
for sixteen years nowhere else to go

Verse 3
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Its the same bar just a different town
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
for sixteen years playing the same show
D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l D/E(IX) l
Forcing a smile never let it go down
C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l C#m7b9 l
in sixteen years never let it go

I've got to ask, why are you not singing your songs? It's hard to judge a song when we haven't heard the music. Maybe you're only interested in writing lyrics. Maybe you don't sing.

My MO is usually lyrics first, so SSG feedback has been helpful there. Still wrestling with working out the melody for some, lost interest or slacking on recording the others. There are a few recent SSG efforts that I like well enough that I want to record, so stay tuned. I'm not sure about this one yet but I was working on guitar tracks last night to play with the sound and figure out what I am looking for. While singing is my weakest link, I am still singing at open mic and the local singer-songwriter circle.
Renee, Thanks for the read and the comments

[jamestoffee]

Hi Andy,

Good start Like Renee, I was a bit confused about the time frame. It doesn't quite grab me on the read...seems a bit cliche....maybe cut down some of the story and have him die earlier then wake up in the afterlife and tell what happens next..... .......maybe that's just me ....or maybe a listen will help to see how it all works

BTW I'll be off the radar for almost a couple weeks; heading up to Alaska

Thanks for sharing.

James

[andygetch]

Me too. I think I'll set this one aside.

BTW I'll be off the radar for almost a couple weeks; heading up to Alaska

Enjoy those long summer days of light

[Hobson]

The changes make it clearer. On reading it again, I think maybe the chorus needs to be stronger.