Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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DylanBarrett
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Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Post by DylanBarrett » April 10th, 2012, 6:57 am

Hi all

Wow, has it really been 14 months since I last wrote a song :shock:

Well, here I am again :D

Not sure about the music - I must admit that each time I read it I feel soft rock, Bon Jovi something like that...

Headlines and Movies

She is a prisoner
By her own request
Take me where I've asked to go
Not thinking, maybe he's not the same as the rest

She's restless, tries to relax
Nothing more she can do
Watch the numbers count up
Was it better than waiting at the back of the queue

Too many headlines, too many movies makes ten miles seem like a lifetime
Little girl lost in an ocean of doubt waiting for someone to throw her a lifeline
If she gets through this night, she'll make everything right that's for sure
She's gotta make it, gotta make it, got to get to the place, the place where he's waiting for her

Should she ask
How much longer to go
The headlights light up the trash in the road
How we all hate the unknown

Whispers to the phone
Words she can't catch
Looks like he's won, he might have a gun
She's there alone and there's nowhere to run

Bridge

Turn onto mainstreet
Immersed in city life
A sign to her destination
Her heart can beat slower tonight

Stepping out of her nightmare
Out into the night
Laughs when she thinks what the fuss was about
Of course it was ok there was never a doubt

Too many headlines, too many movies makes ten miles seem like a lifetime
Little girl lost in an ocean of doubt waiting for someone to throw her a lifeline
If she gets through this night, she'll make everything right that's for sure
She's gotta make it, gotta make it, got to get to the place, the place where he's waiting for her
If she gets through this night, she'll make everything right that's for sure
If she gets through this night, she'll make everything right that's for sure

Thanks for reading.
D 8)
Last edited by DylanBarrett on April 15th, 2012, 6:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!

John Sargent
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by John Sargent » April 10th, 2012, 2:40 pm

Interesting read Please get some music down, I'm having trouble picturing the flow of words.

hagrider
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by hagrider » April 11th, 2012, 4:51 am

Ditto - I need to hear this. With the right music it could be wonderful
Cheers,

HagRider

jamestoffee
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by jamestoffee » April 11th, 2012, 6:26 am

Hey Dylan,

Great to see you posting :D Looks like the makings of an interesting story developing.

Suggestion:
Consider giving a spoiler in the first few lines to let the listener/reader know what is going on. I read through a couple times and have no idea what this is about, :oops: so as a reader/listener, the mystery doesn't draw me in, it keeps me out.

A couple lines of what's going on at the beginning, then I can be with you on the car ride....tension mounting situation....something about a gun.....or laughing it off...... :?: yeah I tried another read....I don't know if the girl is scared, in trouble, just tired, if some guy is trying to help her or hurt her, if she is a famous person....i dunno :?

I'm open for clarification.

Thanks for sharing....I look forward to a listen as well :D

James

hagrider
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by hagrider » April 11th, 2012, 7:51 am

So the story I am getting from it is that a girl has got in a taxi rather than wait in a long bus/tube queue & her imagination is running riot (fueled by lurid films & news stories) - ie its not safe just getting into an unknown car like that. Then when she gets to destination its relief to get out of the car & she realises she was being silly to get in a panic.
Did I get that right?
I think its an intriguing song - looking forward to hearing it...
Cheers,

HagRider

andygetch
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by andygetch » April 11th, 2012, 4:53 pm

Hey
DylanBarrett wrote:Hi all

Wow, has it really been 14 months since I last wrote a song :shock:
Congratulations on putting something together. Keep it up. Some questions to stimulate, but go with what reflects the feeling you had when writing. How do you feel about the lyric? Stand pat or looking for feedback?
For music you mentioned Bon Jovi, soft rock. Maybe start with a song structure you know and like and work from there? If building from scratch how about tempo? slow or faster? change it up or constant? A quiet story song? Or building to a crescendo in the last chorus?
I'm looking forward to hearing this one and more of your stuff!

DylanBarrett
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by DylanBarrett » April 12th, 2012, 6:27 am

Hi all

Thanks for the comments. Hi James, always like to keep you thinking.. :wink: Just like the good old days! :D

Hagrider has got the essence of the story correct - it's one of these songs that a video would reveal all. I definitely like the listener/reader to work for their money and maybe make up their own characters and sub-plots.

This might seem a bit obscure but I recently travelled to Paris and jumped in a cab to the hotel. Although I am comfortable travelling in other countries, the guy didn't say much, was dressed all in black and spent the whole journey which was about 40 minutes talking into his mobile phone about who knows what...

As I say, not a problem for me but made me think that someone a bit more vulnerable which a vivid sense of imagination. In this case a girl that's just landed in a foreign land to visit her boyfriend/husband/lover and instead of waiting in the taxi rank with all the others, gets another cab elsewhere. She doesn't know where she is going, only where she has told the driver... and so the journey begins....

Music and tempo, hmm, yes, let's grab the guitar and have a strum - rock ballad quite possibly.

Here's a change of lyrics and some music to get started...

Headlines and Movies

(D)She is a prisoner
(C)by her own (G) request
(D)Take me where I've (C)asked to go,
not thinking, he's not the same as the rest

(D) She tries to relax
(C) there's nothing more she can (G) do now
(D) Watch the numbers add (C) up,
was it better than waiting in line at the back of the queue

(D)Too many headlines, (Cadd9)too many movies makes ten miles seem like a (G) lifetime
(D) Little girl lost in an (Cadd9) ocean of doubt waiting to get thrown a (G) lifeline
(Em) If she gets through this (A)night, (Em) everything will be all (A) right
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time

(D) Should she ask,
(C) how much further there is to (G) go now
(D) The headlights light up the (C) trash in the road,
how we all love to hate the unknown

(D) He talks on the phone
(C) speaking some words she can't (G)hear
(D) Looks like he's won, he (C) might have a gun,
she's there alone and there's nowhere to run

D, Cadd9, G, D, Cadd9, G, Em, A, Em, A, D, Cadd9, G, D

(D) Turn onto mainstreet
(C) that burst into city (G)life
(D) Neon colors (C) dance on the glass,
her heart beating faster, the fear will soon pass

(D) Step from the nightmare
(C) into the arms of her (G) lover
(D) Laughs to herself what the (C)fuss was about,
the mind plays the tricks but in love there's no doubt

(D)Too many headlines, (Cadd9)too many movies makes ten miles seem like a (G) lifetime
(D) Little girl lost in an (Cadd9) ocean of doubt waiting to get thrown a (G) lifeline
(Em) If she gets through this (A)night, (Em) everything will be all (A) right
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time
(D) She's gotta make it, got to (Cadd9)get to the place, (G) the right place at the (D)right time


Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!

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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by pbee » April 12th, 2012, 11:49 am

Hi Dylan
good to see you writing again. Would love to hear this, Im picking that the chorus builds up the tempo/tension as her thoughts kick in and then back down to the verses for more observations. I like it cheers

Paul

John Sargent
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by John Sargent » April 15th, 2012, 4:59 am

Are you ready to do a rough recording? It looks like you are comfortable with your chord progression on this one now.

DylanBarrett
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies

Post by DylanBarrett » April 15th, 2012, 6:13 am

Hi all

Atrocious guitar playing and equally atrocious vocals... all part of the Dylan Barrett experience...

Anyways it gives you an idea of the how I see the song working.

Thanks for listening :lol:

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single ... 75062&q=hi

Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!

John Sargent
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Post by John Sargent » April 16th, 2012, 6:38 am

At an open mike, the host took me aside and suggested that I stop being self deprecating. If Bob Dylan can sing, anyone can sing.
Keep up the good work.

andygetch
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Post by andygetch » April 16th, 2012, 6:42 pm

+1

jamestoffee
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Post by jamestoffee » April 16th, 2012, 8:07 pm

Hi Dylan,

Nice job on the delivery with both the singing and playing. :D

Suggestions: Consider adding an additional chord progression for the verse or chorus. Also try some minor chords. With the major chords and laid back strumming style, it doesn't match the lyrics of tension and uncertainty of the anxiety the woman is feeling about making it to her destination unharmed.

Thanks for sharing.

James

DylanBarrett
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Re: Y10 W24 - Headlines and Movies + MP3

Post by DylanBarrett » April 17th, 2012, 12:52 am

jamestoffee wrote:Hi Dylan,

Nice job on the delivery with both the singing and playing. :D

Suggestions: Consider adding an additional chord progression for the verse or chorus. Also try some minor chords. With the major chords and laid back strumming style, it doesn't match the lyrics of tension and uncertainty of the anxiety the woman is feeling about making it to her destination unharmed.
Thanks James

Battling with the ideas, guitar and vocals at the moment. I have rewritten some of the lyrics which I am more comfortable with although there's always room for improvement. I added the E and A to get a bit of tension but maybe that's not enough... Driving me nuts last night with the chorus ringing in my head over and over... so I need to lay the demon to rest! :wink:
MrEWorm wrote:At an open mike, the host took me aside and suggested that I stop being self deprecating. If Bob Dylan can sing, anyone can sing.
You do have a point there... Thanks for listening. I am just getting back into the recording and groaning after a long lay-off ... I know I can do better.. :? :lol:

Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!

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