Revised Lyrics to "Red Eye"
BMI#2 The Red Eye
=====Revised Version=====
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11031949
Verse
It’s late much too late
Both of you are still wide awake
It’s a non-stop fight from here to daybreak
It’s not over ‘til all the baggage is claimed
Chorus
Love, love is a red eye flight
Love, love can keep you up all night
We cry; we curse
It doesn’t get much worse than the red eye
Cause there’s no sleep on the red eye
Verse
You lover’s; you frequent flyers
Like Twilight teenage love-struck vampires
Like kites tangled in the wires
Hanging by a thread, aren’t you tired?
chorus
Bridge
In theory you would kiss and say good night
In theory hours would fly by while you sleep tight
chorus
>>>>>Thursday
#1
Still listening to songs backwards
#2
BMI#2 The Red Eye (original version critique is based on)
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11009422
Trying to rework some lyrics based on the following critique:
Sep 07, 2011, 11:50 AM Hi Charles,
Much better. I would repeat the hey in your chorus, turn it into a more repetitive chorus:
1st way:
Hey we’re coming in on the red eye
Hey Could someone pick us up?
We’ll be there around sunrise
or 2
the repeat of the chorus like you do at the end of the song.
I think you need to get more organized with what you’re trying to say in the 2V, no need to mention your tired as everyone already know that, Think about making more of the consequences of your line:
We both shot off our mouths and misfired (Where that could lead….)
Also, this is cool but why did you write it? What ultimately, (Aside from and exercise in a workshop) is your point?
Never to take a red eye again? Almost breaking up cause of the tension? Focus in on a very specific reason/subtext/need for the song being written, add that to the lyric and the song will really take shape.
Remember when you do this kind of hard work, re-writing songs, the songs get good at telling you what they need, and you get better at paying attention to what they need in ways you weren’t before.
Good luck and keep up the good work.
All the best,
Billy
--------
Here are the revised lyrics.....I'll sleep on it and see about recording tomorrow:
BMI #2 The Red Eye (Revised Version)
Verse
It's late much too late
And both of you are still wide awake
It’s a non-stop fight from here to daybreak
It’s not over 'til all the baggage is claimed
Chorus
Hey, love is a red eye flight
Hey, love can keep you up all night
We cry; we curse
It doesn't get much worse than the red eye
Cause there's no sleep on the red eye
Verse
You lover’s; you frequent flyers
You're up your down you're over-inspired
You are kites tangled in the wires
Hanging by a thread, aren’t you tired?
Bridge
In theory you would kiss and say good night
In theory the hours would fly by while you sleep tight
chorus
>>>>>Wednesday
Look at a person or place or thing on a foreign currency and make a song
Some Titles:
Cadmium Wafers
Cadmium Smiles
Face for Rent
Astronautics
Gloating Goats
My Alhambra
Glendalians
Strathmore
Strathmatics
My Gratiot
My Alohamo (Aloha + Alamo)
Brace yourself (braces…on teeth or legs)
B-loopers
Pedantic Semantics
Not on my watch/time piece
My name is a Number
Pealed Grapes
Lobotomizer
My St. Algiers
Plugins
Skip a Space....Any Space
>>>>>>Tuesday
If you’re like me, you read Nick’s assignment for the week, picked up your guitar and found yourself playing the same licks and chord progressions you always do. I just read in Tunesmith about playing songs backwards to force yourself to listen to new melody ideas. I’m going to give it a go this week.
Apparently you can do this with the freeware Audacity
http://askville.amazon.com/easily-play- ... Id=6185845
As far as ideas today, I flipped through a magazine I hadn’t read before and jotted down the first ideas that came to mind when I saw the various pictures:
Title: What I learned from GQ.
Pictures don’t blink
Pages don’t stink
Anything’s believable when printed in ink
Man is modern; relationships aren’t
No matter how modern the man; relationships aren't
Dressed up to go
Dressed down for show
I wear belts, watches and cologne SEE!
Does your mamma know what a lonely penguin you are?
Two guys and a girl; wrong place-right time
Don’t find us, we’ll find you
Even scarecrows need hugs
Who needs a car when you can fly?
Even his lip hair is hot news!
It’s in the cards- Royal Blush
Alcoholic lick-a-page samples
Freedom is driving downtown and passing all the office buildings
OfficeLife@night.com
Carry the sword; wear the tie
Carry the tie; wear the sword
The last thing he saw was the bottom of my shoe
Shoe bottoms-Roof tops
Slow down, Red!
Doesn't anyone use chairs anymore?
Oops, a daisy!
We lost more than the fight
We fought more than the lost
The more we lost we fought
More than lost; we fought
The more we fought we lost
We fought, we lost, more than fought, more than lost
The lost fought more than the fought lost
....say good night, Chuck. "Good night, Chuck".
>>>>>Monday
A friend’s children are the wildest risk takers I know. I get tense every time they are around; especially this weekend on a trip to a waterfall. The adults around say, Be careful! Don’t do that! But they just go right on†I kept my mouth shut/bit my tongue….I imagine if I said something it would go like thisâ€
Me- Be careful! Don’t do that! It’s dangerous.
Kid- It’s only dangerous if you fall/missOr
Kid- It’s more dangerous to not try at all and be a prisoner of fear all your life.Or
Kid- I can’t get hurt. It’s not my time to die…..Mommy made a deal with the devil. ….so at “the crossroads†instead of wanting to be a blues player, could a woman want to be a mother so bad that they make a deal with the devil? Topic to explore- Fearlessness, extreme sports Write a song about Evel KnievelThanks to Chris’s suggestion way back on books, I picked up “Tunesmith†and I have been enjoying it a lot. Like Nick said, it’s a lot more random than Pat Pattison, but it’s rich with gems, so one tandem from one of the ideas in the book, I want to
explore is the relationship between colors, moods, and key signatures. Here are some sites I will research:http://www.spectrummuse.com/music_metaphysics.htm
http://www.spectrummuse.com/tonal_hierarchies.htm
http://www.spectrummuse.com/music_metap ... c%20System
http://www.spectrummuse.com/music_metap ... tion%20Key
http://www.last.fm/group/Synesthesia/fo ... 6/_/345077
I think it would be great to have a system or program that would analyze the colors of a painting, elements of the subject analysis of the themes and then write a song based on the various parameters…..what does the Mona Lisa sound like?...could this really be it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOgpdp3l ... re=related Gobstopper- What a name for a candy….Thanks, Willy Wonka. What could be the story behind a candy’s name? Or make a new candy with a story behind it. Or who is the guy that makes up candy names as a job? What's their story? Would they have a side job making up names for military parts? or automobiles? How saturated is the market to come up with new scientific names for things?...Is it a cut throat business with a lot of nerds backstabbing and playing spy?........
you could create a new "off beat" character like Johnny English or Ace Ventura What have been some other amazing stories about people selling web sites and making big money like the pizza.com? http://news.cnet.com/8301-10784_3-9912380-7.html
Who came up with snopes.com and how is truth arrived at? absolute? consensus? Explore some snopes stories as song ideas.....should I stop now, Charles? Yes, or you'll get nothing done this evening, James Toffee
). But I made a typo and it came out as "Angel Grinder"! Maybe there's a song to fit that title? 
