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Y10 W37 Summer Squirrels on the Mall

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.

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Postby andygetch » July 15th, 2012, 6:41 pm

Here is my lyrical start. For some reason on this one it's really hard for me to stick to narration without gravitating to a moral or happy (or good) ending. As always, comments are welcome. I hope to record later this week.

Refrain
Run, jump, twirl, chase and sprawl
Summer squirrels on the mall

Verse 1
Hot humid days in Washington DC
Tourists on national park property
Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall
There a brown squirrel inside an elm's crawl
Sat up, ate a nut sprawled on its belly
with cheeks of plenty, ribcages of jelly
Repeat refrain

Verse 2
Cherry blossom tree blooms have long since gone
Scent of dying branches downed limbs were sawn
MLK memorial canopy
Second squirrel chased by a child of three
Yelling out loud you scaredy cat you
Childhood taunt natty-natty-boo-boo
Repeat refrain

Verse 3
Black chain-linked fence borders reconstruction site
At Madison third squirrel's patches of white
Foraging taken photo opportunity
jumped over the shoulder sidewalk generosity
No food given photographers walk away
squirrel chasing humans as they were the prey
Repeat refrain
Last edited by andygetch on July 17th, 2012, 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby jamestoffee » July 16th, 2012, 8:25 pm

Hi Andy,

Good job on the speed...I just now got out my guitar for the first thoughts for the week. :D

It looks like all sensory details....a line or two twisted for rhymes sake......Good job on sticking to the squirrels topic.....one point of confusion for me...........

Do you mean MALL or MAUL?

maul/môl/
Verb: (of an animal) Wound (a person or animal) by scratching and tearing.

mall/môl/
Noun: A large building or series of connected buildings containing a variety of retail stores.

I understand it better if it is "Maul"......I don't understand if it is "Mall"......if it is "Mall" consider switching it to "Wall"


Thanks for sharing :D

James
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Postby John Sargent » July 17th, 2012, 9:14 am

I enjoyed reading your lyric. It is very descriptive and as you stated, lacks a conclusion of any sort.
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Postby andygetch » July 17th, 2012, 12:58 pm

jamestoffee wrote:Hi Andy,

Do you mean MALL or MAUL?

maul/môl/
Verb: (of an animal) Wound (a person or animal) by scratching and tearing.

mall/môl/
Noun: A large building or series of connected buildings containing a variety of retail stores.

I understand it better if it is "Maul"......I don't understand if it is "Mall"......if it is "Mall" consider switching it to "Wall"
:D

James


:lol: Actually neither, it is the National Mall in Washington DC,

http://www.nps.gov/nacc/index.htm

I just got back from a family week of playing tourist there and these were based on three different actual squirrel and human behavior observations when walking between museums. "Maul" would definitely take the song in another direction beyond the assignment :o but we did wonder how the child in the second verse would react if encountering the more aggressive squirrel in the third verse. :shock: Thanks for the comments!
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Postby Hobson » July 19th, 2012, 6:19 am

This week's assignment was difficult. Writing pure description without personal comments or emotions can result in a good song, but I think this one would be better with those things added. Maybe some comparisons between people and squirrels.

I wasn't at all confused about where this takes place because you explained it. But maybe a little more description of what the place is would help those of us who haven't been there.
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Postby dhodge » July 20th, 2012, 4:55 pm

"Maul" would certainly be interesting! And I think it could be purely descriptive, although that, too, would be challenging!

The way the verses flow from scene to scene is very nice, but sometimes it seems that the lyrics seem to get a bit poetic (especially in the third verse) which makes them a bit of a jumble for the listener.

Maybe going from the squirrels' point of view might give it more of a lightness. Doing that in a purely descriptive voice would also be certainly challenging, but I think you could pull it off.

Looking forward to more.

Peace
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Postby Vic Lewis VL » July 21st, 2012, 3:42 pm

Lots of nice imagery there.....particularly like the

"Sat up, ate a nut sprawled on its belly
with cheeks of plenty, ribcages of jelly"

lines. That is SO perfect - paints a picture in my mind's eye, I can see it so clearly - which is what lyrics are supposed to do.

Look forward to hearing it!

:D :D :D

Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
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